Peaches: Woo Hoo!! The new Neiman Marcus Christmas catalog just came out. Does anyone have a couple hundred grand I can borrow??
Earlene: No, honey I don’t, this well has run dry, but I’ll send you the SEARS catalog and let you pick something really special from it. Will that work?
Peaches: I was hoping for a Cupcake Car for Christmas!
Dolly Mae: This will make you laugh! They made a mistake on one of Tar-Ja Product Descriptions. It is a computer screen cleaner that can be washed gently – it comes as a dog, cat, dick and bear. Which one would you like for Christmas?
Peaches: OMG I have to go see that for myself . . .Because that is funny!
Earlene: You girls stop right now. I don’t want to read another one of “Dolly Mae’s” blogs about THIS conversation.
Dolly Mae: Keep it going chicky – I need new material for my blog so more people will read it and I can start collecting pennies from Google Heaven.
Earlene: I didn’t find the screen cleaner BUT I found an electric cork screw!!!! Hmmmmmm.
Peaches: LOL ya’ll are funny! I did a general search of the website and didn’t find any screen cleaners . . . so I think someone’s imagining things they want for Christmas.
Dolly Mae: NOT this chick – maybe you two? I’ve got cobwebs older than ya’ll.
Dolly Mae: The screen cleaner hasn’t made it to the Christmas on-line tab...But what about a new product “The Electric Dick Screen Cleaner Cork Screw”?Peaches: Yes, Dolly Mae the Christmas Book is online . . . HELLO, put your glasses on and look at the subject line of the emails!
Dolly Mae: I am talking about the Tar-Ja on-line.
Peaches: I thought we were still shopping at Neiman Marcus.
Dolly Mae: No, No, No, the Neiman Marcos one is probably raccoon lined and we can’t afford that one. Maybe Wally World will come out with one that is rabbit lined and it will be cheaper.
Earlene: Does the“The Electric Dick Screen Cleaner Cork Screw”? REALLY get rid of the cobwebs????
Dolly Mae: Dust, cobwebs, creatures of the male persuasion!
Earlene: If I order within the next 10 minutes, will my offer be DOUBLED???
Dolly Mae: I THOUGHT you would need AT least 2...
Earlene: YEEEEEEEE HAWWWWWWW!!!!!! Can I give you my pre-paid debit card number??? I just got it yesterday from one of those check cashin’ places. Do you take an El Master Cardo?
Peaches: El Master Cardo, Really??? I might have to get one of those to pay for the Bubba's new gently used teeth.
Peaches: This is quickly going turning into a conversation I am not sure I want to have with you two gals.
Earlene: Oh c’mon, Peaches……………….you know we can converse about ANYTHING!!!!
Peaches: ANYTHING??? I am not so sure Dolly May wants to hear about anything, because that could include everything..... She might stick her fingers in her ears and start yelling ..."LALALALALALA". I think Dolly Mae would have a stroke and then we would have to sell the “The Electric Dick Screen Cleaner Cork Screw” to keep her in the home!
Dolly Mae: I have a thought – ya’ll should go into business ‘cus you are so excited about the “The Electric Dick Screen Cleaner Cork Screw”. You could make money like “Mary Kay” does with make-up, you could start it up and then get all your friends to sell and all their friends and then you could support poor ole “moi” and Uncle Hunterman.
Earlene: Sorry ladies for the delay in getting back to ya'll...I was ordering my 2 ‘fer special and it took a little longer than I anticipated. I couldn’t understand Jose very well. It’s hard to translate between the Spanish and Redneck languages.
See ya’ll later at Wally World!
Earlene (Retta), Peaches (Jaclyn), Dolly Mae (Vici):
