Neiman Marcus Catalog Shoppin'

Peaches: Woo Hoo!! The new Neiman Marcus Christmas catalog just came out. Does anyone have a couple hundred grand I can borrow??

Earlene: No, honey I don’t, this well has run dry, but I’ll send you the SEARS catalog and let you pick something really special from it. Will that work?

Peaches: I was hoping for a Cupcake Car for Christmas!

Dolly Mae: This will make you laugh! They made a mistake on one of Tar-Ja Product Descriptions. It is a computer screen cleaner that can be washed gently – it comes as a dog, cat, dick and bear. Which one would you like for Christmas?

Peaches: OMG I have to go see that for myself . . .Because that is funny!

Earlene: You girls stop right now. I don’t want to read another one of “Dolly Mae’s” blogs about THIS conversation.

Dolly Mae: Keep it going chicky – I need new material for my blog so more people will read it and I can start collecting pennies from Google Heaven.

Earlene: I didn’t find the screen cleaner BUT I found an electric cork screw!!!! Hmmmmmm.

Peaches: LOL ya’ll are funny! I did a general search of the website and didn’t find any screen cleaners . . . so I think someone’s imagining things they want for Christmas.

Dolly Mae: NOT this chick – maybe you two? I’ve got cobwebs older than ya’ll.

Dolly Mae: The screen cleaner hasn’t made it to the Christmas on-line tab...But what about a new product “The Electric Dick Screen Cleaner Cork Screw”?

Peaches: Yes, Dolly Mae the Christmas Book is online . . . HELLO, put your glasses on and look at the subject line of the emails!

Dolly Mae: I am talking about the Tar-Ja on-line.

Peaches: I thought we were still shopping at Neiman Marcus.

Dolly Mae: No, No, No, the Neiman Marcos one is probably raccoon lined and we can’t afford that one. Maybe Wally World will come out with one that is rabbit lined and it will be cheaper.

Earlene: Does the“The Electric Dick Screen Cleaner Cork Screw”? REALLY get rid of the cobwebs????

Dolly Mae: Dust, cobwebs, creatures of the male persuasion!

Earlene: If I order within the next 10 minutes, will my offer be DOUBLED???

Dolly Mae: I THOUGHT you would need AT least 2...

Earlene: YEEEEEEEE HAWWWWWWW!!!!!! Can I give you my pre-paid debit card number??? I just got it yesterday from one of those check cashin’ places. Do you take an El Master Cardo?

Peaches: El Master Cardo, Really??? I might have to get one of those to pay for the Bubba's new gently used teeth.

Peaches: This is quickly going turning into a conversation I am not sure I want to have with you two gals.

Earlene: Oh c’mon, Peaches……………….you know we can converse about ANYTHING!!!!

Peaches: ANYTHING??? I am not so sure Dolly May wants to hear about anything, because that could include everything..... She might stick her fingers in her ears and start yelling ..."LALALALALALA". I think Dolly Mae would have a stroke and then we would have to sell the “The Electric Dick Screen Cleaner Cork Screw” to keep her in the home!

Dolly Mae: I have a thought – ya’ll should go into business ‘cus you are so excited about the “The Electric Dick Screen Cleaner Cork Screw”. You could make money like “Mary Kay” does with make-up, you could start it up and then get all your friends to sell and all their friends and then you could support poor ole “moi” and Uncle Hunterman.

Earlene: Sorry ladies for the delay in getting back to ya'll...I was ordering my 2 ‘fer special and it took a little longer than I anticipated. I couldn’t understand Jose very well. It’s hard to translate between the Spanish and Redneck languages.

See ya’ll later at Wally World!

Earlene (Retta), Peaches (Jaclyn), Dolly Mae (Vici):

The Sun Shines Out of His Arse

So today one of the Managers ask me to make the sun shine again . . . one of the easier things I have been asked to do in my years as an admin!

The blow up doll was probably the craziest!

What is the craziest thing a boss has asked you to do?

Suburban Redneck Wedding Conversation

Dolly May: I got the Holiday Inn Express for Saturday night. They have a hot breakfast. We are coming in Saturday morning.

I think we are going to a Hamburger joint we saw on Dinner, Drive-ins and Dives in downtown Houston – you and Whittle can join us. It would be fun! Uncle Hunter would love to see you and Whittle.

Earlene: I have a hair appointment on Saturday. I haven’t had my hair did since June and it looks shabby. So, Miss Darlene is going to trim it and style it for me.

Buford will be coming with Whittle and me. I hope they don’t mind because I never received an invitation, had to move again – the double wide flooded and now we are at the homeless shelter – not too bad we get free meals and showers, so I couldn’t RSVP. What’s RSVP mean anyway?

Dolly May: I am getting my hairs done next Friday, so maybe the duck tail in the back will go away – Growing out your hair is not fun. Uncle Hunter is getting his sides trimmed up but the back is getting nice and long like Billy Ray. His arm is healing up nicely since he went noodling in August. Still haven't heard if he will be keeping his job at the screen door factory. Have you decided on what you are wearing your white skort or your purple leggings?

Earlene: This time last year, the back of my head was SHAVED!!! So, I’ve come a LONGGGGGG way, baby!!! I did go looking on Sunday at Goodwill that’s where I found the tube top. I have decided to wear the tube top and a mini skirt with flip flops!

I just asked permission to bring a guest, big sissy. Carol Sue said, "Yes, just be sure he doesn’t take his teeth out at the table."

Dolly May: I talked with Tammy Fay and we thought we would all meet at Salty’s or Dalton’s about 6pm before the wedding to have a beer or 2.

Earlene: We’d better go a little earlier. The 20th Annual Cajun Catfish festival is going on that weekend and it’s just a couple of blocks from the wedding. I’m not sure if they have “designated parking” for the facility.

If worse comes to worse, I can pack a cooler with beer and we can TAIL GATE before the wedding!

Peaches: Oh, I love the Tail-gating Idea!!!! That would be awesome!

Earlene: We’ll show everyone that Big Bubba’s side of the family is totally COOL! And because we’ll all be dressed up, they’ll think we’re elegant red necks!

Dolly May: Hey, Earlene – please add your number on the bottom of your email 'cuz I have to look up the number every time I want to call....

Earlene: Would ya’ll prefer a keg or just cans iced down??? I can get a good deal on Pabst Blue Ribbon……..I have friends in low places!
Hey, Dolly May - please add my phone number in your ROLODEX, under Earlene.

Dolly May: I ran out of pages, 'cuz you've moved and changed your phone number so many times!

Peaches: Let's get a keg. Maybe we can get Cat and Tucker to do a post wedding keg stand.

Earlene: I’ll get 2 kegs. One for us, and we’ll sell beer to the guests as they’re coming in. That way, Peaches and I can make some extra money!

Peaches: Ok, so I was just on Facebook and I took the "When will you get pregnant?" Quiz.... it said 10/10/09 sooooo I should probably stay fairly sober at Cat's wedding.... as to not end up with a bun-in-the-oven..... because you know results of quizzes on Facebook and they are always very accurate.

Earlene: Yippee…..I’m going to be a Great Aunt!!!! Who are you going to pick for the Daddy????

Peaches: That is the problem I have no idea... Do you know anyone who wants to be my Baby Daddy? I sure there is a closet somewhere at the wedding where we can make it happen. Or maybe I should just troll the Catfish Festival there will surely be a couple of willing guys there.

Earlene: Girlfriend, don’t you worry your pretty little head…………….I have no doubt that we can hook you up! All you have to do is show up. Buford has a little brother. Would you like for me to make a phone call?

Peaches: Does he have good teeth? Because I just can't have a Baby Daddy with bad teeth. No sir-ie-bob...

Earlene: Oh yeah! The ones he has left are cavity free………..

Dolly May: With parking being a problem we could carpool from the Holiday Inn– Hey! We can get a Keg for our room and party there! We could get some bologna and cheddar cheese and maybe some of those little weenies with BBQ Sauce...I am sure Holiday Inn wouldn’t mind us frying a turkey in the parking lot!

Earlene: I have a friend that has a wagon that they use for trail rides…………….it’s got a bad-to-the-bone sound system in it. We could hook up the disco music and party down!!!! I’ll even pull out my old rainbow afro wig!!! I've been saving it for a special occasion!

I can’t WAIT!!!!

Peaches: We have the Big Red 4x4, everyone can pile in the bed with lawn chairs!!!!

SEE YOU at Casey & Mark's Wedding - OCT 10TH!
Earlene (Retta), Peaches (Jaclyn), Dolly Mae (Vici):

Killing Trees!

OK, OK !. . . I know it is my job - but you would think that someone would come up with a new, exciting way for everyone to view the same info, at the same time, make comments/changes - other than printing and copying a zillion pieces of paper.
WOW! . . . I think that I may have stumbled on to my contribution to the world - now if I can just make it happen.
DARN! . . . You would have to get everyone to go along and you know that ain't happening!

P.S. - I had to take a break before I go "Mad"!

Hunting REALLY?

Being the wife of an avid deer, dove, turkey, anything that moves hunter, I have a very important question. How many duffle bags of gear does it take to shoot a deer, dove, turkey or anything that moves? Being the naive wife of a hunting fanatic, silly me thought that it only took 1 rifle and 1 bullet and maybe some Camouflage (that's the clothing that makes you invisible) i.e., Camo.

Wake up and smell the doe pee! To put down a deer, dove, turkey, anything that moves, it takes much more than 1 rifle and 1 bullet.

It takes several rifles, not sure of the all the designations of each (I think one is a 30.6 - "thirty ought six") but they are all very important. Soooo, it is only logical that if you have several rifles, you will need excess amounts of bullets (also known as ammo).

I was aware that he had a "couple" of extra large duffle bags - but not SEVEN, yes SEVEN - bulging at the seams. Not sure what all is in them, not sure I want to know.

I grew up with a brother that hunted. He would walk out to the deer blind (No the deer aren't blind. That's what they call the place where they hide from the deer so they can shoot them.) He would have a beer in one hand and a cigarette in another. BOOM! Deer down!

So does the hubby REALLY need more than one rifle, one bullet and REALLY SEVEN duffle bags of STUFF? Can anyone explain this to me?

The BIG Apple!

What an awesome 5 days in NYC! sooooo little time and soooo much to see! Statue of Liberty-- Battery Park--Ground Zero--the Subways--Staten Island Ferry--The Today Show--5th Ave. St. Patrick's--Bergdorf's--Central Park--Strawberry Fields--The Dakota--the Friend's Fountain--Time's Square--Queen Latifa on GMA --Neil Patrick Harris--Ferrera's Bakery--The Empire State Bldg--The United Nations--The Mike Huckabee Show Taping--"9 to 5" on Broadway--and there is soooo much more to do and see - hopefully, there is another trip in my future!

JCPENNEY - Manhattan

I do have to mention the New Manhattan JCPenney store that is opening the end of this month. It is a beautiful store and across the street from Macy's, I think we are giving them heartburn! They have actually changed the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade route! Just 'cuz we moved in across the street!

I have been asked what I liked the best, so here goes - I really believe that the most important thing do to in NYC is visit Ground Zero and the World Trade Center Tribute Center and be sure and take the walking tour. The Tribute Center tells the story of 9/11 and has pictures of the 2,996 victims of this senseless attack. The Tribute Center is next to Fire Station 10, all the firefighters at that station were lost that day.

Our walking tour was lead by 2 victims of the attack. The first was a Lt. in the Fire Department. The other was the mother of a fire fighter. We toured the site as it is being rebuilt. The "foot prints" of Tower 1 and Tower 2 are sacred ground and will be tribute fountains.

To hear the stories of those that experienced this horrific day, brings the TV screen and news reports to a new level of reality. A place that is poignant, heartwrenching, yet uplifting. Everyone that has the chance to visit and listen to the stories should - It will restore your faith in mankind and make you even prouder to be an American. . . .

RAVE - It's Official!

Ronnie is now a part of the Christian Brothers Automotive! We are both very excited about this change in employment. He no longer has to work Saturdays. . . did you hear me NO MORE SATURDAYS. This is the first time in our married life (12 years today) that he will be home on Saturdays AND Sundays . . . a real weekend.

He is no longer 4 miles from work. . .he can walk to work! It is 1/2 a city block from the house!He starts on July 16th. . .did I mention that we are both very excited?


A little about CBA. . .

Mission and Purpose
To glorify God by providing ethical and excellent automotive repair service for our customers, according to Colossians 3:17,

"And whatever you do in word and deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father."

This says it all about CBA. WOW! Talk about Hope and Change. . .Ronnie now has both with CBA!